


Just tell him you love him, dammit

by Trashness



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, Demisexual Haru, Demisexuality, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Rin is fucking sick of everyone's shit, Sourin is only really hinted at, Thank god for Rin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-12 00:39:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4458686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trashness/pseuds/Trashness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haru and Makoto are made for each other. It's obvious. It's so paaaaiiinfully obvious. But each of them is convinced that nothing can ever happen. After all, things couldn't possibly get any better, right?</p><p>Alternative summary: Rin fixes everyone's shit before he punches someone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just tell him you love him, dammit

**Author's Note:**

> Augh fuck. This got way more feeling-y than I meant. Whoops!
> 
> Also I feel like I should probably explain that I like the idea of Rin being a true Australian kid. And by that I mean he swears constantly.
> 
> Edit: By request there is now a Sousuke and Rin companion piece: http://archiveofourown.org/works/4519284  
> Edit 2: There is also a sequel to this fic here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/4491456

 

Makoto realizes he’s gay his first year of high school. Well actually, _realizes_ is probably not quite the right word for it. _Admits_ feels like a better term.

Makoto _admits_ to himself that he’s gay in his first year of high school. He’d never been particularly interested in girls before that. He found them cute and tried to imagine himself dating them. He could usually stomach that just fine, but as soon as he thought about being intimate with them he got flustered and it just felt odd.

 _Maybe I just haven’t found the right girl yet_ He would repeat to himself like a mantra. _It’ll be fine._

But it wasn’t. Because boys were cute too. Going to the beach was becoming harder and not just because of his fear of the ocean. He was getting older.

 _Haru_  was getting older too.

Makoto finally had to wake up to himself when in the first year of high school he still hadn’t found a girl that excited him, but Haru’s wet hand clasping his whilst climbing out of the bath did. He knew you weren’t supposed to look at your best friend like that, let alone a friend you had had for as long as you could remember. This wasn’t a curiosity thing. He couldn’t claim that he was just looking just to see, because he knew everything about Haru, including what his body looked like. He’d grown up with him and had swum with him/grasped him mid-strip enough times to know what he looked like. No. Makoto _liked_ looking at him. On that cool Autumn day when Makoto helped Haru out of the bath, as he so often did, and eyed the way steam rose off of his smooth skin and how the water would fall in between his collarbones and creep down his abdominals, Makoto had to accept that this wasn’t what straight boys did.

At first Makoto felt incredibly guilty. He felt gross and like he was betraying Haru’s trust. They were best friends! A best friend wasn’t supposed to lust after their friend. A best friend wasn’t supposed to look at his friend and imagine all the sinful things they could do to them.

So Makoto represses it, and over time it becomes a dull throbbing in his chest. He still has his crush on Haru, but their friendship comes first. The way Makoto feels is obviously one sided, so Haru never has to know. Makoto will just ignore it. He’ll be the best friend he can be. He’ll support Haru in whatever he does, help him with homework, help him in awkward social situations, whatever he needed Makoto would be there. It’s easy. This is what their relationship had always been. Complete support for one another and unspoken emotional intimacy. It’s incredibly easy for Makoto to continue as they’ve always been. Sometimes the feelings of guilt resurface after a particularly restless night of sleep, or when Haru gets too close to him in the pool and their skin slides over one another’s. But Makoto suppresses it. It’s easy. It’s easy. _It’s easy._ He ignores it. He never comes out to anyone because no one has to know. He doesn’t want to date anyone else, so there’s no reason for anyone else to know he likes guys.

No reason that is, except for the fact that the confessions from female classmates start to pour in. Makoto is in his third year now. He is tall, broad shouldered, and beautiful. His skin has darkened from all the summer swim practice, which makes his bright small and green eyes stand out all the more. He is kind, approachable, and generous, so it’s really no surprise that girls would start to notice him. Gou even starts to complain that some of her friends talk about him too much and it’s starting to get real annoying and _real_ uncomfortable. Makoto always rejects the confessions politely citing “focusing on his studies” as the reason. He treats it like an odd exercise he just has to go through now and the words come out of his mouth like he’s reading a script. He just ignores them for the most part.

Haru can not ignore them however. At first it surprises Haru how much they bother him, but he just attributes it to the fact that confession time takes up valuable swim practice time. Makoto has no time for these things, and getting a girlfriend would be a real nuisance. He wouldn’t be able to crash at Makoto’s place whenever he wanted if there was the possibility Makoto had a girl over. But the confessions continue, and even though Haru knows Makoto will say no every time, it never stops bothering him. Makoto can always tell when Haru is annoyed. He can see the unimpressed look in Haru’s blank stare whenever he comes in the locker room to get changed out of his uniform.

“Another one?” Haru would ask quietly.

“Sorry, sorry.” Makoto would laugh nervously. Haru’s brow would crinkle slightly.

“But I’ll never say yes, Haru.”

And the crinkle in Haru’s brow would disappear. He’d sigh and release the tension in his gut before turning to Makoto.

“Let’s work on exchanges today” He’d propose and Makoto would agree with an easy smile.

 _Possessive_ was the term Haru finally attributed to himself after being so bothered by these confessions for so long. He was _possessive_ of Makoto.

The confessions don’t ever stop, but they are no longer a priority when more bothersome things start to arise. Regionals and nationals start to take precedence, as well as the suffocating pressure of having to plan for graduation and their futures.

It’s Rin that finds out about Makoto’s sexuality first.

Rin had just returned from his excursion with Haru to Australia when he meets up with Makoto at nationals. Iwatobi hasn’t yet competed in their race, but everyone seems in good spirits. That is everyone except Makoto, whose smile falters when he thinks no one can see him. Rin manages to catch him when the other club members have left the locker room, but Makoto lingers behind.

“Heyyyyy,” Rin slides over to him and Makoto jumps. He didn’t see Rin come in.

“Oh!” Any anxiety is erased from Makoto’s face with ease. “Rin! How are you feeling? You haven’t swum yet have you?”

“Nah, nah”. Rin leans on the locker next to Makoto’s. “Not quite yet. How are you though? Feeling alright?”

“Yeah! I mean I’m pretty nervous, but I feel good! It’s to be expected to feel that way, right?” Makoto laughs.

Rin hums but his eyes narrow in thought.

“I meant like…are you ok? Outside of the race I mean.”

“I don’t understand.”

“… You and Haru made up right?” Rin drops his voice and steps closer to Makoto.

“What? Yeah!” Makoto’s eyes widen. “No we’re fine. We’re great. We talked and it’s totally fine.” Makoto pauses as he realizes something.

“How did you know we had a fight?” He asks slowly.

“Haru told me. It affected him pretty badly. When we were in Australia…” And there it is. It’s miniscule. Barely noticeable, and Rin might have missed it if he weren’t so used to what Makoto’s genuine smiles looked like. It’s just a slight downturn of the corners of Makoto’s mouth. Not quite a frown, not violent enough for a twitch, but it’s there.

    Rin keeps his voice hushed when he asks his next question.

“Are you mad Haru left so abruptly?”

“No! No! He needed to leave…. It was good for him… I couldn’t… I couldn’t help him here.”

“But you wanted to.”

“Of course I did.” Makoto leans on the lockers next to Rin. “But I couldn’t do anything.”

“So you’re annoyed that I could?” Rin prods.

“No, no… he needed you. You’re always…” But Makoto falters and lets out a heavy sigh. Next to him Rin smirks and turns so he’s leaning confidently on his shoulder and looking up at Makoto.

“Why Makoto,” He laughs. “Is it possible… is it really conceivable that you are actually capable of feeling _jealous_?” Rin pokes Makoto playfully in the side, but Makoto doesn’t laugh back. Instead he jumps at Rin’s touch and runs his hands through his hair. His face and neck are flushed.

“No. No, I’m not. That’s not…I’m not…!” Makoto starts to shake his head and continues to back away from Rin. This severe reaction catches Rin off guard and he steps after Makoto to place his hands on the taller boy’s shoulders.

“Hey, hey, Makoto…” Rin’s voice is low and soothing. “It’s ok. Why are you like this?” Rin was extremely concerned now. He’d seen Makoto scared. He’d seen him sad. Hell, he’d even seen him angry a couple of times, but this was beyond anything he’d ever seen Makoto express. It didn’t fit him at all.

   “Makoto, Makoto.” Rin’s voice is still soothing and he tries to catch Makoto’s eyes, but his head is hung low and his hair has fallen in front of his eyes.

“It’s ok. It’s perfectly normal to feel jealous over stuff like that.”

Makoto starts to mumble a reply but Rin cuts him off.

“Sure it is. Jeez you don’t have to feel like a shitty friend if that’s what you’re worried about. I used to be jealous of Haru and you all the time.” Rin lets out a low chuckle and Makoto picks his head up slightly.

“Everyone feels this way when they have someone they’re really close to” Rin continues. “I get it. I mean, it’s not like you’re in love with Haru or anything.”

Makoto snaps up his head at that. He should just laugh along with Rin. It’s a joke, it’s clearly a joke. Haha, like when boys get jealous that their girlfriend is close with another guy, hahahaha, that’s obviously not what this is. This is a joke. This is a funny joke. But Makoto can’t bring himself to laugh. He just stares at Rin with shock and guilt and humiliation that Haru just spending time with Rin overseas has affected him this badly. He can feel the heat in his face and the lump in his throat. Outside his head he vaguely realizes that Rin has stopped laughing. Instead he’s staring back at him with slowly widening eyes.

    “Holy shit,” He whispers and this seems to bring Makoto back to Earth.

“No, Rin, you don’t understand…” Makoto feels that hard, lump start to develop in his throat. His heart beats so hard it feels like it’s shaking his ribcage.

“You do.” Rin whispers again. It’s a gentle realization for him. He doesn’t gasp or look at Makoto like he’s crazy.

“Rin, please…” Makoto’s shaking now. Fear and panic is ripping through his body.

“You do.” Rin goes to touch Makoto on the arm. “You really love hi…”

Rin barely remembers what he was going to say when his head stops ringing. Makoto has him by the scruff of his team jacket and has slammed Rin’s back into the lockers. Makoto leans over him menacingly.

“Tell anyone…!” Makoto growls. His hands and voice shake horribly. Rin is aghast that such a noise could have come out of Makoto, but when he looks up into Makoto’s face, any energy to snarl back leaves him.

“If you tell anyone…!” Makoto chokes out. Rin continues to stare at the broken, teary remains of his friend in front of him. He slowly lifts his arms, so as not to startle Makoto, and places them on either side of his neck.

“Shhhh, shhhh, Makoto, Makoto” He hushes and pulls Makoto in towards him. Makoto’s grip drops and he falls into Rin’s embrace.

“I won’t tell” Rin whispers into the top of Makoto’s hair. “I promise.”.

Makoto sobs into Rin’s chest. Years worth of fear, disgust and self hatred pour brutally out of Makoto’s body and into Rin’s awaiting arms.

Rin doesn’t tell anyone, and despite the circumstances that lead Rin to finding out, Makoto’s actually glad he knows. He knows Rin won’t quite understand, but it’s nice to finally have someone that help. Rin becomes a valuable confidant for Makoto. Just to have someone share his secret with him lifts a great weight off of Makoto’s chest. Someone knows now. And the world didn’t end.

Rin has to laugh at how obvious Makoto is and how he could have gone so long without noticing it. He’ll never tell Makoto, but he is so blatantly obvious. The way he looks at Haru, how he spoils Haru goes well beyond friendship. Rin sometimes has to hide a smile when he notices Makoto staring at Haru adoringly. Rin has to fight even harder not to laugh when he sees how Haru stares back.

Rin doesn’t say anything. Haru can be really slow, painfully slow. So he just lets him try to figure it out on his own. Rin knows he’ll get there eventually.

A year later, Rin finally has to say something.

Haru and Makoto have been living together in Tokyo since graduation and they’re still the same as always. Haru is still bored and guarded around anyone who isn’t Makoto, while Makoto continues to shape his life about Haru. Or at least he tries to. See, just like in high school, Makoto’s friendly demeanor and generosity make him quite popular at university. Especially with girls. _Mostly_ with girls. Sure he has plenty of guy friends, but it’s almost always the girls who invite him out for things. They ask if he wants to go to karaoke with them, or to the movies, or to some cool bar one of them has found. Makoto initially always says no, but he finds it harder to the more they ask. He eventually has to sit down and question why he _doesn’t_ say yes. It could be fun! He likes his friends and there will be lots of them so it won’t be like a date or anything. They don’t want anything from him like the girls in high school, they just want to spend time with him. Why doesn’t he say yes? Because of Haru?

Yes. Because of Haru. It’s stupid and Makoto knows it, but he feels guilty abandoning Haru. He knows he won’t want to come, but he hates the idea of leaving him alone at home. Sure it’s just one night but…. _But what?_ Makoto sighs and knows he has a problem. He can’t keep living like this. He needs new people. He needs to get out there. Haru will still be his best friend, but that’s all he should be. His best friend. Nothing more.

So Makoto starts going out with his university friends. He always gets back to the apartment late and finds Haru asleep on the couch. He wraps Haru up in his arms and carries him off to bed easily. Several times Makoto has to resist the urge to climb in after him, but it gets easier every time. He can feel Haru’s presence firmly starting to slip into the _Best Friend_ category of his life and nothing more. It’s on one of these nights that Rin gets back in town from Australia. He texts Haru and in an hour or so is on his doorstep. He greets Haru with a huge smile and a hug, then waltzes into the apartment like he’s always been there. He sheds his jacket and drops his bag before collapsing on the couch. He asks Haru how his swim training is going, how classes are, all the usual busy talk. That is until Rin starts to look around. He turns over the back of the couch and slows his breathing to listen closely.

“Where’s Makoto?” He asks.

“Out” Haru’s reply is clipped.

“Withou yooouuu?” Rin feigns shock then starts to laugh. “Who’s he with?”

Haru just shrugs.

“Wow you’re a bullshit friend. You don’t even know who he’s with? He’s out in Tokyo. They could have harvested his kidneys by now.” Rin smirks.

“It just a bunch of girls from his education class”. Haru mumbles, but his distate for the whole thing isn’t missed by Rin. He chuckles and lets out a low whistle.

“So they still think he’s hot huh?”

Haru’s glare is icy. Rin leans back defensively before he shrugs.

“What? He is! I mean he’s not Sousuke, but he’s definitely pretty damn…” Rin trails off because it looks as though Haru really wants to punch him. Haru can get pretty damn annoyed sometimes, but he’s always been a passive guy. The look would be unrecognizable if Rin hadn’t felt it on his own face so many times.

            “Jeeeez, calm down.” Rin deflates. “I’m just sayin’”. Rin starts to chuckle a bit as he imagines what these outings must look like. Makoto beautiful and gentlemanly asking all the girls if they’re alright. If they have a way to get home. Telling them he had a great time out with them. Most of the girls probably dying when he smiles at them because Makoto is absolutely _perfect._

“Oh man those poor girls”. Rin laughs. Haru cocks an eyebrow. “Nothing will ever happen, but I bet they keep hoping”

“Why will nothing happen?” Haru asks.

“What do you mean?”

“Why would nothing ever happen? I’ve seen some of them and they’re pretty enough. It’d make sense for Makoto to want one of them.” A flush creeps over Haru’s cheekbones.

“What do you mean why would nothing ever happen?” Rin scoffs. “You know Makoto’s…” But Rin catches himself. He looks at Haru in shock as he realizes. He hears himself gasp. _These fucking idiots._

“WAIT.” Rin leans forwards. “Do you still… Do you still not know?!”

“Know what?”

“Fucking Christ!” Rin falls backwards onto the couch and pushes the heels of his palms into his eyes.

“What don’t I know?” Haru creeps towards Rin. Rin just chuckles.

“Rin, what don’t I know?” Haru sounds serious now. He’s leaning over Rin. Rin is quiet for a long time.

“Rin…!”

“I can’t…”

“WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT MAKOTO THAT I DON’T!?” Haru wrenches Rin’s hands away from his face and pins him by the wrists to the couch. Rin stares up at him, shrinking from the sudden outburst, but when he catches the look in Haru’s eyes Rin has to stop himself from smirking. That same flaring fear and jealousy. He had seen this before. These two were going to destroy him.

You never out your friends. You _never_ out your friends. You never _out_ your friends. You never out your friends! Rin repeats over and over in his head, but this is stupid. These two are stupid and this is all ridiculous. But you never out your friends! Rin concedes with a huge sigh and begins to try and sit up.

“Haru…” He starts. Haru releases his hands and scuffles back so Rin has room to sit up. He’s still glaring at Rin, but the initial murderousness has dissipated.

“Haru.” Rin begins again. “I am going to tell you something extremely important. You can not tell anyone, do you understand?”

Haru nods.

“I’m serious, Haru. If you love Makoto at all you will never tell this to anyone. No matter what happens”. Rin’s voice is hushed.

“I won’t”.

And Rin knows he means it. Rin closes his eyes wondering how best to tell him. But the best way _is_ just to tell him.

“Makoto’s gay, Haru.”

        Haru stops breathing. His eyes shoot wide. Rin just watches as it sinks in. Haru doesn’t look disgusted. He doesn’t look mad. It just looks like he’s never even considered this possibility before. Finally Haru’s expression cracks and he falls foreword a bit. His hand reaches up to rub at his chest and his eyes dart around the couch and floor, anywhere but at Rin. His mouth opens and closes uselessly.

“Why…why didn’t he tell me?” His voice shakes.

“He was scared.” Rin rubs Haru’s arm.

“But… but…why? He tells… we know everything…” Haru chokes the words out like he’s in pain.

“Haru,” Rin holds Haru’s head in both of his hands. “You are the most important person to Makoto. You always will be. Don’t be upset with him.”

“I’m not. I’m not.” Haru shakes his head. “I just… he should be able to tell me things…” Even in his emotional state, Haru’s voice is still low and smooth.  
“I know.” Rin smiles sympathetically. “But your opinion matters most. And he couldn’t stand losing you.”

“I would never…” Haru can’t even finish the sentence.

“He’s scared, Haru. You have to be there for him, ok? If or when he wants to tell you.”

Haru nods and lets all the air out of his lungs.

“Ok, ok.”

Rin takes his hands off of Haru’s face and leans back on the couch. He slowly starts to grin at Haru.

“So you don’t have to worry about those girls anymore.”

Haru resumes his bored expression.

“None of them are going to steal Makoto away from you.” Rin smirks.

“I wan’t worried about Makoto getting stolen.” Haru mumbles.

“Uh-huh.”

Rin stays in town for about a week before leaving again. Things continue normally, but Haru doesn’t mind so much when Makoto goes out with friends. In fact, he actually likes it. He likes how animated Makoto is when he recounts the stories of his nights and he likes that there are other people to help Makoto out with schoolwork now. Haru always sends him off with a smile, tells him to call if he ever needs to be picked up, and then tucks himself into bed awaiting to hear about Makoto’s adventures the next morning. Makoto notices the difference, but welcomes how much happier Haru seems. He initially worries that maybe Haru doesn’t need him as much anymore, but Haru always pushes this fear away when he has Makoto’s favorite breakfast ready for him the next morning. No Mackerel in sight.

Haru is happier. At least when it comes to Makoto meeting new people. He still waits for Makoto to tell him he’s gay, but it never happens. Rin’s words ring in his head though, and he tries not to let it bug him too much. _My opinion matters most_. He repeats. But with learning about Makoto’s sexuality, Haru finds himself thinking about himself. Sex, romance, relationships… they all seemed terribly complicated to Haru. He didn’t really want anything like that, so he tended to just ignore it. He had more important things to focus on. Swimming always took up most of his energy and his friends were all he really needed.

But with the possibility that Makoto would probably want a boyfriend sometime, Haru starts to question where that would leave him. Did he want anything? God, was he even attracted to anyone? He’d sit in the lockers after swim training and let his eyes wander over the guys getting changed. He tried to think of himself touching anyone, or even just kissing anyone. He would focus very hard waiting for a revelation to hit. Nope. Nothing. It should be obvious right? So he wasn’t really into guys. Maybe he was straight after all?

Haru would sit by the pool and watch the girl’s swim team do laps. He’d watch them walk around, eye how their suit legs were cut incredibly high so he could almost see everything. Their hip bones poking out and that smooth plain around the front of the crotch. He finally lets himself slide into the pool and submerge himself with a bored exhale. The girls were even less interesting.

And that was it. He would’ve just ignored it. Haru always knew he was programmed a bit differently than other people. Maybe this was just one of those things. He wasn’t particularly unhappy, he just wondered why. Why did he not want to be with anyone? Was he broken? He guessed he could be ok with that. Haru was sure of one thing though. He didn’t want to be alone.

Haru has been ruminating over this all day when he returns back to his and Makoto’s appointment. He doesn’t have training that day, just classes. Haru is over energized and Makoto can smell the foul mood on him as soon as he walks in the door.

“Welcome back” He cheerfully calls out from the kitchen. Haru hums a reply. Makoto puts down the dish he is washing and walks out to greet him. His back is slouched and his eyes are downcast.

“Haru,” Instinctively, Makoto pulls him into a tight hug and cards his hand through Haru’s silky hair.

“You ok?” Makoto mumbles into the top of his head. Haru nuzzles into his chest and silently shakes is head.

“You wanna go swim?”

Haru shrugs his shoulders.

“I’ll go with you.” Makoto smiles against the top of his head and Haru can feel it. It’s been a long time since he’s swum with Makoto, but whenever they swim together Haru always feels so relaxed. It’s effortless being with Makoto. He nods enthusiastically against Makoto’s chest. Haru leans into the vibration that rumbles through the both of them when Makoto laughs.

Makoto and Haru don’t go into the pool that Haru trains in. Instead they go into the pool that’s open to the public. This always keeps their swimming sessions removed from the professional swimming scene. They’re more casual and there’s no pressure on Haru to really perform. He spends most of his time just talking to Makoto, or lying back on the water to float gently through it. Sometimes Makoto will get particularly playful and swim underneath him, only to snatch him and pull him underneath and twirl him around.

“Don’t do that.” Haru splutters.

“Sorry, Haru-chan. You just looked so serious.”

“Mmmm,” Haru resumes floating on his back before Makoto can see the smile creep over his mouth. Makoto always knew how to get him to smile again.

He wasn’t sure how he would ever live without Makoto. Makoto. _Makoto_. The idea starts as a droplet then ripples through his mind. Could he be in a relationship with Makoto?

      Well yeah. It’d be pretty much the same as it was now. They’d live together, support each other. Haru would make Makoto tea when he was up late studying for an exam and Makoto would have the bath ready for Haru when he got home from a long day of classes. There would be absolutely no down side to this.

      But a relationship meant other things too. Would Haru be able to… or even _want_ to kiss Makoto. Haru continues to drift aimlessly through the pool thinking about Makoto’s face. What it feels like when Makoto rests their foreheads together. What it might feel like if he just lifted his face a bit and kissed Makoto’s easy smile right off of him. He thinks about kissing Makoto goodbye when he leaves for school. He thinks about kissing him goodnight and curling against him to sleep against his solid torso. He thinks about sitting on his lap and just kissing Makoto for hours and not even worrying about what plans they have that day. Haru’s face feels warm and he’s smiling contentedly to himself. Yeah…. He thinks he would like to kiss Makoto. But that still leaves sex. Haru’s really never wanted to have sex with anyone.

The thing about Haru is, he never seems to realize things slowly. They always hit him suddenly. Like a natural disaster.

Makoto swims over again and just follows Haru as he drifts along.

“Haaaaruuu-chan” He sings.

“No chan.” Haru deadpans.

“I think we should get out now.”

Haru doesn’t reply.

“Haruuuuuu” Makoto sings again. He’s gotten very close and sunken down into the water so the final sounds from his mouth blows bubbles in the water. Haru smiles at that and Makoto smiles reflexively.

“Do you feel any better?”

    Haru rolls over and drapes his arms over Makoto’s shoulders, who begins to stand up and lift both of their torsos out of the water. Haru feels the slick way his skin slides against Makoto’s body. He pulls back to watch the water run down Makoto’s broad, sun kissed, chest. He pays attention to how his fair hands feel splayed out across Makoto’s muscular back, and he begins to wonder what it would feel like to claw at this back and arch himself up against Makoto’s front. Something stirs inside of Haru at the very base of his stomach. Something that makes him breathe faster. Something that makes him want to lean forward and graze his teeth against Makoto’s throat.

 

He could definitely have sex with Makoto.

 

Haru does lean forward, but instead he just rests his head on Makoto’s shoulder.

“Yeah. I think so.” He breathes onto Makoto’s skin.

They run by their favorite Ramen shop on the way home,  get their meals for take away and eat their dinner splayed on their couch infront of some bad TV. Haru is unusually quiet the whole evening. Makoto notices that he doesn’t seem as upset as before, but he’s definitely overturning something in his head.

     Haru sits on the couch, leaning against Makoto and slurping the warm broth into his mouth while he runs through the same questions over and over. He admits he probably likes Makoto. It made sense. It would explain his possessiveness, why he got annoyed when anyone made eyes at him or called him attractive. Ok. Ok. So he liked Makoto. ….God he loved Makoto if he was honest with himself. But he isn’t. So he likes Makoto, did this mean Haru was gay? But then why didn’t he like other guys? Why did he have no reaction when he brushed against the other guys in his swim team? Was it just Makoto then? Was he just so enraptured with Makoto he didn’t want anyone else? But that didn’t seem right either.

“How’s your food, Haru?” Makoto smiles at him reassuringly. He doesn’t want to pry, but he hopes Haru will tell him what’s wrong.

“Mmmm.” Haru hums.

Haru continues to eat and stare at the TV until his eyes lose focus and the image becomes fuzzy. He can’t comprehend any of this. He starts to feel scared. He was getting older now, and surely people would start wondering. How could he ever explain this to anyone? _I just want Makoto_. He looks over at his best friend and Makoto looks back with obvious concern on his face. The TV reflects in Makoto’s bright green eyes and Haru stares into them like it’s the first time he’s ever really seen Makoto.

            _Is this what it felt like_. He wonders. _Is this why you wouldn’t tell me “_ Makoto”. Haru breathes his name without realizing.

“Yes?” Makoto squeaks a bit in surprise.

“Do you… are you…” Haru lets his gaze drop. Makoto inches closer.

“Yes?”

“Do you….like guys?” Haru peeks at Makoto from underneath his fringe.

“Oh,” Makoto’s eyes go wide and he pulls himself from Haru. Haru sits up and watches Makoto shrink into himself. He wears a sad smile.

“Yeah.” He worries at his bottom lip. “Is it so obvious?” He starts to pull even further away when Haru stops him with a hand on his leg.

“No!” Haru’s eyes plead Makoto not to go away. “I just…how did you know?”

“What do you mean? You always know.”

“No, no you don’t!”

Makoto looks into Haru’s pained expression. Oh god… God did he know what that felt like.

“Haru…” Makoto inches closer to his friend and touches him on the shoulder.

“Are you… Do you think you’re gay?”

“I don’t know.” He sounds so helpless. “I don’t know what I am.” His words cut right through Makoto’s heart.

“It’s ok, it’s ok. Don’t panic. No matter what, you’re Haru and we will love you ok?” Haru picks his head up a bit at this.

“Don’t panic.” Makoto smiles reassuringly. “We can figure this out”. Haru nods.

“Do youuuuu….” Makoto’s tone is light and friendly now. He’s trying to remove the heaviness from the conversation., like he’s trying to help Haru figure out what his favorite colour is.

“Liiike girls?”

Haru screws up his face. “No?”

“Ok, ok. Do you like boys?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well like…. Have you ever….” Makoto starts to blush all over. “uhhh… wanted to have sex….with a guy?”

 _Yes. You._ Haru shrugs.

“I don’t know what that means, Haru.”

“Just… just one.”

“But no one else?”

Haru shakes his head.

“Well…. If you don’t really want to have sex with anyone… you could be asexual?”

“But I wanna be…”

“You can still love someone and be in a relationship with them if you’re asexual. You just don’t really want to have sex with them.” Makoto smiles and shrugs. Beautiful Makoto, so bright and supportive. No, this didn’t sound right to Haru either. If how he felt at the pool was anything to go by, he absolutely wanted Makoto.

“That’s kinda closer….not really.” Haru mumbles. Makoto nods. Deep down he’s always wondered about Haru, but he never questioned him about if for fear that he wouldn’t like the answer. Not when he always wished Haru would like guys too.

“There’s lots of different ones. We can research them together if you like” Makoto brushes Haru’s long fringe out of his face.

“Like there’s demisexual…”  
“Yeah?”  
“Yeah.” Makoto smiles. “That’s when you want to have sex with people, but only if you’re very close emotionally first.”

Haru perks up a bit at this.

“So like…. You’d only want to be with someone you’re really close to?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

Haru thinks about this. It would explain why he liked Makoto, and seemingly just Makoto, but he felt like he couldn’t be sure. He hadn’t seen every guy on the planet. Maybe he was just super picky.

“How can you be so sure of what you are, Makoto.” Haru says it with a touch of envy in his voice. Makoto shrugs and rubs circles on Haru’s thigh.

“For me it was pretty easy.” He chuckles. “I’ve been to enough swim competitions and gyms to know.”

“Yeah, but you haven’t even kissed a guy, so how can…”

“Who said I haven’t kissed a guy?” Makoto looks slightly offended. Haru freezes and his heart drops. Just how many things did he not know about Makoto? He had kissed someone…and he hadn’t told him. Isn’t that what friends do? Talk about first kisses? _And it wasn’t me_.

“Wha… when? Who?”

At this Makoto looks slightly embarrassed. He rubs the back of his neck and looks down.

“It was just… it was just one time. I didn’t even like him. I just wanted to see… like you said. Just to kind of check.”

“Who was it?” Haru’s brows are crinkled together. Makoto let’s out a sigh and his head drops forward.

“Kisumi.”

“KISUMI!” He KNEW he hated that guy for a reason. “Wh…Why him?”

“He was just there! And he asked! And I just kind of agreed because I was confused too!” Makoto gets more and more flustered. “It was just once and it didn’t mean anything.”

Haru relaxes at how defensive Makoto seems to be. He really wants reassure Haru that Kisumi wasn’t anything special to him. Haru sinks back into the sofa a bit more.

“Did it help?”

“It pretty much confirmed what I already knew.” Makoto laughs and lies back next to Haru. “It was nice, but I didn’t feel anything for him, so it wasn’t the sexual awakening I expected.”

Haru scrunches up his nose in disgust.

“Sorry. I don’t have to talk about it.”

“I want you to talk about everything with me, Makoto.” Haru’s words are so earnest that they shock Makoto. He’s about to protest, about to say something like “I don’t wanna gross you out”, but he knows Haru means it. He suddenly feels guilty for never telling Haru anything about this. About Kisumi. About being confused and terrified. Nothing.

    Makoto leans against Haru and drops his head onto Haru’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. About any of this.”

Haru turns to look at Makoto. His face is so close. He still smells like chlorine and miso.

“It’s ok.”

“No, maybe… things would be easier for you if you had known… that I was having a hard time too.” Makoto smiles and Haru feels his chest swell. He leans forward and places a chaste kiss on Makoto’s lips. Makoto splutters and looks shocked when he registers what’s happened.

“Haru…?”

“There. Now Kisumi isn’t the only person you’ve kissed.” Haru sounds serious, but Makoto can read his hidden smile easily.

“Haruuu…” He whines. “You really dislike him that much?”

“Yes.”

Over the next few months Haru comes to terms with himself. It feels nice to have a word that describes him. He hasn’t told anyone. He sees no need to just yet, but he holds it close. He’s not broken or weird, there are other people like him. He starts to take pride in it, knowing that he can only feel that way about someone if he really treasures them. And that’s what Makoto is to him. Something he wants to hold on to and treat like they’re precious. Haru doesn’t kiss Makoto again, and they don’t talk about it, but sometimes…when he thinks really hard… he can relive that light pressure on his lips.

Days go on much like they always do. The sunlight becomes less harsh, the wind starts to cool, and winter holidays approach. The break isn’t long enough for Makoto or Haru to go back to Iwatobi, so they spend their time relaxing in their apartment. They curl up on the couch underneath mountains of blankets and Haru cooks steaming hotpots for dinner. Of course it is summer in Australia, which means that Rin is due to pay them a visit sometime soon.

“Yoooooo!” Rin busts into the living room during one particularly cold day. Makoto is wearing his slippers and boxers with a blanket around his shoulders when he opens the door. His glasses are perched crookedly on his face.

“Jeez, you look like a mess” Rin laughs.

“It’s my day off. I just woke up.” Makoto blushes.

“God, it is freezing here though.” Rin sheds about 10 layers and drops them on the floor. “Where’s Haru?”

“Where do you think?” Makoto rolls his eyes. Rin realizes what he means and puts on his best pleading smile.

“You can go too.” Makoto sighs.

“I won’t be a horrible friend for leaving right away?” Rin asks, but he’s already putting his layers back on.

“You will be, but I’ll let you get away with it.” Makoto smirks.

“Thanks man, I’ll be back soon!” Rin starts to scramble out the door.

“Bring Haru back with you!” Makoto calls after him.

Rin surprises Haru at the pool. He looks surprised, but doesn’t let that phase him too much when Rin immediately starts to race him. He wins.

“Augh, no fair. You were warmed up.” Rin pouts at the end of the pool. Haru just shrugs.

            The two swim casually through the pool and swap stories about their swimming experiences and share the different things they’ve learnt. Rin seems to be doing much better in Australia than last time and Haru’s happy for him. Rin notices that Haru’s definitely improving as well. As flawless as he always appeared, Haru has somehow gotten even better. They’ve stopped swimming and are just laying on the steps of the pool when Rin asks about Makoto.

            “He still got a posse of girls around him?” Rin laughs.

“Always.” Haru still looks annoyed, but more like it’s just an inconvenience now. Rin takes this as a good sign.

“He uh… have a boyfriend or anything?” Rin tries.

“No. Thankfully.”

“Whoa,” Rin finds it odd how open Haru is being. “You got a problem with Makoto having someone? What cuz it’d be a guy?”

“No…” Haru sighs and leans back to float on top of the water. “I like Makoto.” He says it the same way he would say “I like mackerel”. Like it really is just a casual piece of information. Rin throws his hands into the air in victory. _Thank the dolphin water gods who have blessed this boy with the gift of finally pulling his head out of his ass!_

“Holy shit!” Rin is way too excited. “Have you told him?!”

“No.”

“No!” Rin punches the water and splashes Haru. “Why the fuck not?”

“It’s just…” Haru stops floating on his back and stands facing Rin. “It’s just been nice.” He smiles, perfectly content.

“But it could be _better,_ Haru.” Rin pleads.

“I’m fine.” And Haru swims off. Rin has to swim eight more laps to burn off how frustrated he is.

When they return home, both of them are exhausted, but Makoto has made lunch for them both. They chat animatedly about everything they’ve been up to and Rin even pulls out his phone to skype Gou with the two of them. It turns out that Nagisa and Rei are hanging out with her and it’s a small Iwatobi reunion + Rin. It’s odd how easily the six of them can pick up exactly where they left off. Rin looks outside and notices it’s getting dark when he makes everyone say goodbye to one another.

     “I’ve gotta head off. Travelling around Tokyo at night is still unnerving.” He shudders. “Just way too many people”.

“You’ve got somewhere to stay?” Makoto helps to pack up his things.

“Yeah, I’m staying with Sousuke. He doesn’t live too far from here actually.”

Haru raises an eyebrow at that.

“I’ll probably spend most of tomorrow with him, but I’ll see you guys the next day, yeah?”

“Sure thing, but it’s your holiday too. You don’t need to stress.” Makoto opens the door for Rin.

“Yeah, spend as much time with Sousuke as you want.” The corner of Haru’s mouth has barely moved, but Rin swears it’s the closest thing to a shit-eating grin Haru has ever worn. Rin glares at him and backs out of the apartment.

The rest of the evening is comfortably quiet and Makoto and Haru spend it playing videogames until Makoto’s eyes start to hurt. They then put on a movie. Something animated and fun that they’ve seen a million times, but they’ve loved it since they were kids. They could probably quote the entire screenplay if asked. Haru spreads himself across the couch, placing his head in Makoto’s lap. Makoto is wearing his glasses now and gently runs his fingers idly through Haru’s hair. Haru dozes and lets Makoto pull a blanket over the both of them. It is warm and effortlessly comfortable. _But it could be better_ Rin had said. Haru really doesn’t think so.

But in bed it’s different. Haru lays in his and the double mattress suddenly feels far too large and cold. The couch had been so warm with Makoto there. Haru tries to imagine what it would feel like to have Makoto sleeping next to him. To have Makoto’s chest pressed against his back , the steady rhythm of Makoto’s breathing and his strong arms around him. It makes Haru’s chest hurt. He tosses and turns and just hopes that this is a one time thing.

 On the third night of this happening, Haru resorts to desperate measures. It was weird. He knew it was weird, but him and Makoto sleeping together wasn’t so unusual. They had done it throughout primary school, and then several times in middle and high school. It’d be fine. Haru grabs his pillow and creeps into Makoto’s room. Makoto is sleeping gracelessly in his bed, his long limbs all spread out in every direction. Shit. So Haru couldn’t just slide in.

“Makoto…” He nudges Makoto’s shoulder. “Mako. Makoto.”

Makoto stirs and goes from bleary to worried in half a second. He starts to scramble to get his glasses off the bedside table next to him.

“It’s ok. I’m ok.” Haru whispers.

“What’s wrong? Why are you here?” Makoto’s pupils dilate wildly as he tries to adjust his vision to see Haru properly.

“I had a bad nightmare.” Lies. “I can’t get back to sleep. Can I stay here for tonight?” Haru’s desperation makes him sound pathetic enough that Makoto believes him.

“Oh! Yeah of course.” Makoto rolls over and lets Haru slip next to him. He still remembers that Haru likes the left side of the bed. Haru crawls into the blissfully warm space and feels his legs intermingle with Makoto’s.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. How many times did I do the same to you?” Makoto laughs before his breathing becomes heavy and evens out. Haru quietly laughs at how fast Makoto could fall back to sleep. He closes his eyes and just listens to Makoto breathe. It’s the best sleep Haru has had in months.

Guiltily, shamefully, Haru repeats this for the next two nights. Each time Makoto graciously lets him in, but appears to be getting more worried each time. On the second night he asks Haru if everything’s been alright. If he’s stressed about anything he hasn’t told him about. But Haru denies it and crawls into the now familiar side of Makoto’s bed.

“Are you sure you’re ok, Haru?” Makoto asks a final time.

“I’m sorry Makoto. It’s just been a bad few nights.”

Makoto sighs and wraps his arms around Haru, pulling Haru’s back against his chest. For Haru, it’s both wonderful and awful. It’s everything he wants, but he knows he shouldn’t be lying to Makoto. But he feels so sure of himself when he feels Makoto gently rub his face on the back of his head.

“Is this ok?” Makoto is nervous. He knows he’s indulging himself and taking advantage of his friend’s vulnerable state. But maybe Haru needs comforting.

 _God yes._ Haru wants to reply, but instead he just hums contentedly.

Makoto leaves early the next morning to go and collect some books from the library for school. He tells Haru, who still lays in the bed wrapped in a blanket cocoon, that Rin will probably be around soon. Makoto says he gave him a key, so Haru should probably be out of bed in 30 minutes or so. Haru barely comprehends this and continues to doze.

Rin arrives 45 minutes later and wanders around the apartment. He walks to the bathroom first, but when he finds that Haru is not in the tub he calls out.

“Haru?”

Something grumbles around the corner. Rin wanders into not Haru’s room, but Makoto’s room and finds Haru slowly sitting up on the bed. He still holds his blanket tight and his dark hair is flattened on one side. Rin takes in the scene. Haru. Half naked. In Makoto’s bed. Obviously slept here last night. Rin lights up.

“You minx!” Rin punches Haru in the shoulder. Haru falls over pathetically.

“Holy shit! What happened? How did you tell him?!”

“I haven’t told him anything.” Haru gurgles into the mattress.

“What do you mean? You’re here…!”

“Nothing happened. It’s not like that.” Haru sits up again. Rin stands with his mouth agape. He looks like he wants to punch a wall, or even better, Haru.

“FUCKING CHRIST, HARU.” Rin flails his arms around. “What do you mean? What could you POSSIBLY be waiting for?”

“It’s not…”

“Is this the first time?”

“….No.”

“HARU!” Rin was gonna punch this watery asshole. Why. Why could he not do this. It would be so easy and Makoto wanted it so _sooooo_ badly. Why could Haru not see that? I mean if the guy let him sleep with him, obviously something was going on.

“I’ve been telling him I’ve been having nightmares.” Haru averts Rin’s gaze. Before Rin was just frustrated. Mad at Haru’s obliviousness, but now? Now he was furious.

“Haru…” His voice is low and cold. Haru wraps his blanket tighter around himself.

“You can’t do this.” Rin states. It wasn’t all Haru’s fault. Sure it was kind of shitty, but Rin knew that Makoto was in love with Haru. He knew what these nights must have been doing to Makoto. To have Haru so close, but not be able to touch him. To hope desperately that Haru would turn around and kiss him in the dark one night…. But then know that that was completely and utterly ridiculous. It must have been torture for Makoto, but he let Haru do it because he thought his friend needed him. Because he was worried about Haru. But Haru had betrayed all that.

“I know.” Haru sighs.

“No. No you don’t know.” Rin seethes. He’s become even more protective of Makoto ever since that outburst in the national’s locker room so long ago. You never forget a friend looking so shattered.

“You have no idea. This is cowardly and deceitful.” Rin snarls. Haru curls in on himself. He had already felt bad, but now he felt like dirt, unworthy of Makoto’s generosity or touch.

“You need to tell him, Haru.”

“About this?”

“About everything.” Rin sighs and starts to exit the room. “Just tell him you love him, dammit.”

Rin’s almost out the door when Haru calls after him. His voice is soft and hollow.

“I’ll tell Makoto when you tell Sousuke.”

Rin spins on his heel to glare at Haru.

“Haha haha hahahHAHAHAFUCKOFF.” Rin flips him off as he strides out the door and out of the apartment. Haru flops back onto the mattress and tries to will himself to melt through it.

Makoto comes back later that afternoon and finds Haru laying in the bathtub. Makoto leans against the doorway and smiles down at him.

“Rin leave early?” He asks.

“Something came up.”

Makoto nods and shows Haru the grocery bag in his hand.

“I got a bunch of food. We can have mackerel hotpot tonight if you want.” Makoto starts rummaging in the bag and pulls out a can. “I even got pineapple rings if you wanted to put them on yours.”

Makoto never expects much expressiveness from Haru, but he usually gets at least a softening in his features when he’s presented with his favorite food. Instead Haru just stares blankly ahead and nods.

“Alright then.” Makoto leaves him and goes back to the kitchen.

The night is perfect in almost every sense. Haru has his favorite food, he’s with his favorite person, and Makoto even downloads a favorite movie of his. It’s childish and dumb, but there are dolphins in it and that makes up for a lot of things. But Haru just can’t seem to enjoy it, or at least not to the level he usually would. Because he doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve any of this. Not the food. Not the effort Makoto put into finding the movie, none of it.

 

But Haru is selfish. He knows it. And Makoto lets him be.

 

He leans into Makoto’s side and nuzzles him affectionately. Makoto laughs and drapes an arm around Haru’s shoulders.

“You feeling ok?”

Haru hums contentedly and presses closer into Makoto, who holds him tighter and drops his head on top of Haru’s.

“I worry about you.” Makoto chuckles.

Haru stills against him.

It’s wrong to make Makoto worry. Perfect, selfless, Makoto, who does everything he can for Haru. Makoto is his everything. And his life is wonderful. _But things could be better_.

 

Haru turns his head to look up at Makoto. Makoto is startled when he sees the expression on Haru’s face. Like he’s looking up at Makoto with awe.

“What?” Makoto laughs.

With eyes unwavering, Haru sits up and turns towards Makoto. He keeps turning towards him until he’s lifted a leg and swings it onto the other side of Makoto’s lap so that Haru is straddling him. Makoto’s brows furrow together in confusion. Haru brings their foreheads together and closes his eyes, breathing in what Makoto smells like. He always smelled earthy and spicy, like sandalwood or cinnamon. Haru notices it when he’s been around Makoto all day and it rubs off onto his clothes.

      “Haru? What are you…?”  
But Haru’s mouth on his stops Makoto’s voice. This isn’t just a quick peck this time. Haru’s lips move slowly and deliberately over his mouth, but he’s too shocked to kiss back. Makoto pushes Haru away lightly.

“Haru?” What was this? Was Haru still not feeling well? Or was there something malicious to this?

“Are you…are you making fun of me?”

“No!” And Haru looks wounded. He drops his head in the crook of Makoto’s neck.

“I lied to you.” Makoto tries to lift Haru up, but he refuses to move.

“I never had any nightmares.” Haru confesses. It takes Makoto a second to realize what he’s talking about.

“Then why?”

“I just wanted…” Haru tightens his grip on Makoto’s shirt. “I just wanted to be close to you. Everything’s better when I’m with you.”

“Then why kiss…?”

“Because I love you.”

The last three words Makoto ever expected he’d hear Haru say. He can feel Haru’s body shake against his, and the next few seconds Makoto feels like he’s having an out of body experience. He’s numb and his body moves of its own volition. He curls into Haru and grips him tightly before he manages to pull Haru away from his torso. He wraps his hand around the back of Haru’s neck and idly plays with the soft hair that sits there. Makoto looks up into Haru’s nervous face, staring at his large expressive eyes that Makoto has taught himself to read so well, then begins pulling Haru down to him. Feeling returns to Makoto when his lips hungrily capture Haru’s. Haru stops shaking immediately and falls into the kiss the same way he dives into the water.  It’s beautiful, effortless and as natural as breathing. He takes a large breath and pushes against Makoto harder. His body molds around Makoto’s, who now grips Haru tightly by the waist and back of the head.

Makoto’s body is on fire and he kisses Haru like he is the only source of water left on Earth. He’s needed this for so long and his stomach is still lurching at the realization that this is happening. It’s Haru’s mouth on his. It’s Haru’s tongue sliding against his. And it’s Haru’s voice that keeps making little noises when Makoto pulls the back of his hair or slowly grazes his teeth against his bottom lip.

“Haru…” Makoto whispers into his mouth. He’s happy, but his eyes start to prickle.

“I love you. I love you so much.” Haru swallows up Makoto’s confession and once the outpouring starts, Makoto can’t seem to stop it. “You’re beautiful. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.” Makoto can feel the hot tears down his face now.

“It’s always been you.”

Haru slows the kiss down and rolls his hips down into Makoto’s, causing them both to groan, before Haru pulls away. Makoto tries to hide his face, but Haru grabs him and wipes away the tears with his thumb.

“Makoto…” Everything is bubbling to Haru’s surface. He looks down into Makoto’s honest eyes and Haru has to drive down the lump in his throat. He continues to wipe away Makoto’s tears even though he can feel his own start to crawl down his cheeks.

“You’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted.” He manages to whisper. Makoto seizes his mouth again and they kiss until they can feel a hundred “I love you”s burnt on their skin. Years worth of emotions are poured into each other and they cling to each other as if they’re falling. That night, Haru is able to wrap himself in Makoto’s arms absolutely guilt free.

 

-

-

-

 

Rin is woken up by a text message the next morning. He lets out a low groan and rolls over to grab his phone. He unlocks it to see that Haru has sent him a photo. The photo has been taken clumsily and it shows Haru lying in bed with Makoto still sleeping and draped across Haru’s chest. His expression remains its same blank stare, but he’s giving the camera a thumbs up. The caption reads “Boyfriend acquired”.

“Shitting dicks, finally.” Rin croaks and throws his phone to the side. Next to him Sousuke stirs and wraps his arms around Rin.

“What was that?” He asks breathily.

“Text from Haru.” Rin rolls back into his sleeping position with his body curled into Sousuke’s. Sousuke gently kisses his temple and sighs against him.

“Him and Makoto are a thing now.”

“Oh my god, fiiiinally.” Sousuke rumbles.

“I know, right?”.

  

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ho man. I hope the happy ending pleases people. I'll probably write a fluffy makoharu dealio soon. Just fluff. No more character tears. I can't do that again, haha.


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